I am so tired. I went shopping yesterday with Blaine and Cody. Then I went again today with my mom. But I think I’ve got all of my Christmas shopping finished. At least I hope so. Shopping is exhausting. And it’s gross outside. Windy and snowing. The roads were starting to drift. It wasn’t cool.

My mom and I went to Panera Bread for lunch after we finished with our shopping. Their broccoli cheddar soup is so good. It’s my fave, and I really needed it to warm up. I tried a different kind of sandwich this time. I usually get the frontega chicken, but I got the chicken bacon dijon or something like that. It was pretty good, but I think I like the frontega better.

Naturally, my mom was complaining about needing to lose weight. That’s like the mantra of my life. I think it’s worse in the winter, though, because it’s so cold and I just want to curl up inside all the time. I’d really like to try something like Phentermine, but I always nervous about taking pills because I’m never really sure if they work. Of course, I also need to get to a place in my life where I can start eating right and exercising because I’m sure that plays a significant role in it’s effectiveness. I should probably stop putting things off, but I guess that’s just my way. I’m really good at procrastinating.

I started a new story last night. I’m delving into a new realm of fan fiction. I’m trying my hand at Twilight. I just started writing and managed to write the first chapter last night. I’ve been trying to sort out the ideas in my head ever since, and I think I’m going to write some more tonight. Either after a nap or a steaming cup of coffee. I need something to help my stay coherent, but I’m excited. I think once I’ve written a little more I might post it on fanfiction.net and put my account to some use. We’ll see. I’m kind of nervous about it. This is a new fandom, and I feel self-conscious, even online, about putting myself out there for criticism, but it’s for fun, anyway, so I guess it couldn’t hurt to give it a shot. Besides, fanfiction.net was what sort of propelled me into writing back in 2002, and then got me into web design, which let to graphic design. It’s sort of like coming full circle.

And so the winter weather has begun. I woke up Sunday morning to find it has snowed during the night. I wasn’t at all impressed. I hate the winter weather. I don’t like the cold and don’t like rain. Just call me Bella Swan. I don’t think I was meant to live in a place like Indiana. I need a someplace warm and sunny to go. Never mind the fact that I burn within minutes of standing in the sun. I’ll take it if it means I don’t have to endure the yuckiness that is snow. If I had the money and means, I’d be seeking out travel deals right now to get out of here until the weather is nice again. Perhaps my feelings are just intensified by the fact that I’m battling with a cold right now. I feel horrible and the weather only seems to be dragging me further down. I think it’s official. I’m a grinch. I’m just not into this winter stuff with all the snow and Christmas spirit. Definitely not my style.

I need a new layout. Really bad. I should probably attempt to make something soon. I feel like I’ve sort of let this blog go lately, but then again I sort of feel that way about everything. I have so much I need to tend to, but I just haven’t brought myself to do it. I have fanlistings beyond fanlistings I need to update with new layouts. I have this giant To-Do list on my desktop - using Rainlendar - and if anything, I feel like it’s just staring at me, mocking me and telling me to get my ass into gear and do something.

I’ve been in such a weird funk this past week, though. I don’t necessarily feel sick, but I just feel like I’m completely drained. No matter how much or little I sleep, I’m still tired. I keep hoping I’ll snap out of it. I suppose getting out more might help. The weather has been nice the last couple of days. I keep telling myself I’m going to go chillax on the front porch and read or something, but I just haven’t done it.

The other day I felt like we were dropped into the middle of the great flood or something. It just rained and rained all night. I guess some good did come out of it. The grass looked about dead, and Bart figured him and Blaine wouldn’t have to come out and mow again for at least a couple of weeks if not at all, but the grass seems to be back in fine form now, so I guess that means more mowing.

Regardless, I feel like the summer is slowly coming to an end. My brother starts school on Friday, and my sister goes back next week. Pretty soon Tori will be off to pre-school. It will be time for us to put on the outdoor furniture covers and start bundling up for fall. I’m not ready for that. I love the summer, but like all good things, it has to come to an end, I suppose.

I feel like I’ve been dropped into the middle of a Garth Brooks songs. The thunder rolls and the lightning strikes. Not nearly as appealing as the song, let me tell you. It’s been like this since yesterday. In town in front of my mom’s apartment, two phone poles were blown over and a truck was caught in the wires. Bart had to call 911. It was insanity. It makes me nervous. If I was smart, I’d just sleep through it all like Blaine did.

On a completely different topic, I’m beginning to wish that when I ordered my computer I’d got more computer memory. I got 1gb, which is better than the old computer because it was running 512mb, but I usually have 3 or 4 main programs running on my computer at a time, and they’re iTunes, FireFox, Adobe Photoshop and Adobe Dreamweaver, and between the 4 of them, it just drains the memory. I don’t know if I could just upgrade to more memory or not, but at least I’ll know better next time.

Well, I actually got out of the house today. I’ve felt like such a hermit lately. Of course, it was raining the whole time I was out, so it wasn’t precisely pleasant. I had to go by the bank and deposit the money I got as gifts for graduation. Then I had to go by Dollar General and pick up a few things before I went by and picked up Blaine. He wanted to stay the night here tonight, which is nice since I feel like I haven’t seen him in weeks.

This weather, though, is a real bummer. I’ve been reading a lately, and it’s mostly been books by Sarah Dessen, and all of the books take place in this made up town of Lakeview, and any time there’s a mention of the beach, it kind of depresses me because it’s so dreary here. For some reason I always imagine one of those Outer Banks vacation homes while I’m reading.

Speaking of vacations, I’m not sure if we’re going anywhere this year. My mom mentioned vacation, but with her I’m never actually sure if that invitation extends to me. I feel like I’m imposing if I ask if I’m allowed to go. But then if I don’t, I feel left out of all of the family adventures. Blah. That probably means I just need to get a life and find things for myself to do so I won’t feel left out.