I am so tired. I went shopping yesterday with Blaine and Cody. Then I went again today with my mom. But I think I’ve got all of my Christmas shopping finished. At least I hope so. Shopping is exhausting. And it’s gross outside. Windy and snowing. The roads were starting to drift. It wasn’t cool.

My mom and I went to Panera Bread for lunch after we finished with our shopping. Their broccoli cheddar soup is so good. It’s my fave, and I really needed it to warm up. I tried a different kind of sandwich this time. I usually get the frontega chicken, but I got the chicken bacon dijon or something like that. It was pretty good, but I think I like the frontega better.

Naturally, my mom was complaining about needing to lose weight. That’s like the mantra of my life. I think it’s worse in the winter, though, because it’s so cold and I just want to curl up inside all the time. I’d really like to try something like Phentermine, but I always nervous about taking pills because I’m never really sure if they work. Of course, I also need to get to a place in my life where I can start eating right and exercising because I’m sure that plays a significant role in it’s effectiveness. I should probably stop putting things off, but I guess that’s just my way. I’m really good at procrastinating.

I started a new story last night. I’m delving into a new realm of fan fiction. I’m trying my hand at Twilight. I just started writing and managed to write the first chapter last night. I’ve been trying to sort out the ideas in my head ever since, and I think I’m going to write some more tonight. Either after a nap or a steaming cup of coffee. I need something to help my stay coherent, but I’m excited. I think once I’ve written a little more I might post it on fanfiction.net and put my account to some use. We’ll see. I’m kind of nervous about it. This is a new fandom, and I feel self-conscious, even online, about putting myself out there for criticism, but it’s for fun, anyway, so I guess it couldn’t hurt to give it a shot. Besides, fanfiction.net was what sort of propelled me into writing back in 2002, and then got me into web design, which let to graphic design. It’s sort of like coming full circle.

I had the absolute worst case of heart burn in my entire life earlier. I guess it would right to say yesterday, technically, but who’s counting? It really bad. I just wanted to cry. It just felt like my entire chest was burning, and I got all hot and sweaty. I even went outside for a few minutes just to try to cool down. Finally, I came back inside and sprawled out on my bed in the dark, and after maybe fifteen or twenty minutes, it went away.

I have no doubt it was a direct result from the chili I had for dinner. I thought it was kind of spicy, and even as I was eating, I was afraid this might happen. Usually I’m not too bothered by spicy food, but I had a bout with heart burn a few weeks ago. This time definitely overshadowed the last, but it was scary and uncomfortable. I was half afraid I was having a heart attack or something, which is just ridiculous.

I hope I’m not getting acid reflux like my mom has. She can’t eat any kind of peppers, which wouldn’t be a problem for me since I avoid them anyway, but even so, it’s just not something I want to deal with.

But it has got me thinking about my health, and I’m thinking about going back on Weight Watchers and possible going on alli as well. I read before that the Weight Watchers diet is compatible with alli. I think since alli helps speed along the weight loss it might help out a lot because my biggest problem with dieting or trying to eat healthier is that I tend to get frustrated when I don’t see any results. Then the fatty foods that I usually crave start to win over again and I give up.

I guess I’ll just have to see. It’s really all a matter of money, but that’s the story of my life.

Ugh. I’m having one of those days where I just feel gross. It doesn’t help that I’m tired. My sleep is all kinds of messed up. Even when I go to bed late and wake up early, I can’t seem to get myself to go to bed early the next night. I think it’s just impossible for me to go to bed early. I’m just a night person by nature, and I don’t know if it can be fixed. I’m starving right now, and I want something sweet, which is counterproductive to the fact I want to lose wait. I need to find me some energy, start exercising and find the best fat burner out there and get to work on losing weight. However, I’m always stumped at the finding energy part of the plan. Blah. It’s just been a very bland day. I’m just ready for Supernatural because I’ve been looking forward to it all week.

Yep, Breaking Dawn is out. Unfortunately, my copy didn’t come in the mail today. But I am going to town in just a little bit, and I’m going to pick up a copy because I can’t wait any longer. I figure I can probably just sell the other copy I ordered. No big deal.

I forgot to mention yesterday that the pair of capris I bought were actually about three sizes smaller than what I would normally get. Granted, they do have the elastic waist, so I’m sure that makes a difference, but it did feel good to get something smaller for once. I hate thinking about my weight because it just depresses me. I watched The Holiday the other day, and I was envious of the house in the movie because there was a room full of fitness equipment, and I think it would just be so awesome to have something like that. I might be more apt to exercise. As it is, I feel too self-conscious to go to gym or anything like that. Just, ugh. I hate thinking about it. Of course, I think shopping should be deemed a form of exercise because there’s a lot work in it. Walking, trying things on, lugging around armfuls of stuff. It’s not easy!

On a completely different note, I watched Fuse the other day. Which is shocking in its own right because I just about never watch TV in general, but I heard this song called “Emergency?” by The Higher, and I really loved it. I went to their MySpace to check out some more of their stuff, and I really like it. I might have to buy their album. I love finding new music. I just wish my bank account could keep up with my music addiction.